water-colored memories

i was lying on the living room floor today playing with the dogs and i had a flashback. this memory is actually two-fold.

this first memory was from 8th grade. during gym class we were lying on the floor doing our stretches while the teacher was taking role. mind you i was always teased about my weight, i was one of the biggest girls in my grade, hell my school for that matter. let's face it middle schooler's are cruel people!!! well i remember lying there and making the comment "look i'm skinny too". *i will try to describe this as best i can* when you are flat on the ground your excess fat moves into your body and you appear flatter than you actually look when you are standing up. i was pointing out to the girls around me that i wasn't that big (i was on a diet at this time mind you). their response was "yeah, we can suck in too". i don't remember making a comment about my weight.

the second part of the memory comes from my senior year of high school. my sister and i were in her room in the basement of our old house (one of them). it is the summer after i graduated and i
am about to go off to college. i am at the lowest weight i can remember being after i was done growing up. after months of work, i was starting to feel good about my body. again i was lying on the floor and i remember feeling my hip bones. i remember the feeling i got from being able to feel my bones without having to push aside my fluffy stuff. unlike the last time, this was real. this wasn't just because i was sucking in. i had worked hard and lost weight and gotten to that point and it was real!!!

back to tonight. while playing with the pups, i realized that once again i could feel those hip bones. please don't think that it is a need of mine to be bone thin, it isn't. however to me there is something nice about realizing that i have hip bones. i have the bones that my jeans can rest on instead of rolls of fluff. i don't know that someone who has never experienced this feeling accomplishment can fully understand what this means to me. just understand that i am very very happy with this.

i did go weigh in today. as of the last time i went to weigh in (thursday) i was up 1.6 lbs. while this is a little bit depressing if you look at the numbers, i reminded myself that i was up a lot more than that by the end of this weekend. we mapped out a plan and with some minor adjustments i should be fully back on track by the end of the week. i can't tell you how much i love the people at the center. between nikka and angie specifically, i am so thankful that i found this place and that out of the 7 centers i could have gone to, i went to this one!!!

so cheers to them!!!